I always thought I was a pretty good pretender until I was reminded last week that I am not as good as I see myself as. I tend to be willing to get directly in social situations that many of my friends and peers would shy from, but does that mean I belong there? I think I do, and I think I don’t.
That’s confusing, I know, but it’s how I feel about the notion of being a tangible social presence. Society currently allows people to completely live their social lives in a series of digital 1’s & 0’s that can have a polarizing physical effect on the creator of the content.
I spend a lot of time online, curating what I want different groups of peers to think of me by. There is the business side of me that has my message that will hopefully positively affect my business relationships. There is also what I consider the “meme side” of me that reflects my showman side that helps get gain and maintain interestingly entertaining people in my life. Both are very important to me. Each side has a direct effect on how the other grows. I wish sometimes there was an indicator of how much more social, cultural experience is required to have the next breakthrough so I could know which areas to concentrate on. It doesn’t exist because it is swayed by what we need at the time.
When we have a failure we tend to want to concentrate directly on the point of failure. It’s because it hurts and we are finally receiving feedback. There is a lot of studies on self esteem and it is generally accepted that a the process of delivering negative feedback also require a dose of positive feedback either before or after the negative. The order depends on the individual you are dealing with and how positively they see themselves.
Also to consider is where a person exists on the steps to enlightenment. I tend to feel willing and ready for improvement and try to keep my ego at bay and deeply listen to feedback and stay self aware enough to implement it, but that doesn’t happen often unless the improvement steps are drilled into my brain.
Talking is easy, listening is tough, and acting is the toughest of all. It’s all because of fear. I fear opportunity, I fear failing, I fear the feedback, I fear how I will feel, but most of all I fear what will happen if I miss out on the opportunity. I don’t think a lot of people fear the missed opportunity and I believe that is what drives me to continue trying. There are only so many chances to chalk up a win. What if I miss one?
There is a tipping point when a bunch of failures are just too much and looking on the bright side of situations is helpful any longer. Right now I have 2 options. Quit trying so hard and see what happens. It could mean success, failure, or stagnation (all things I fear). Option 2 means I get even braver and get into more uncomfortable situations. This option is the toughest because it consists of the most unknowns and points of failure. AND the largest opportunities of success.
I’m going all in on option 2 like I often do, but this time I’m going to do it differently. Confident and transparent, not just skin deep but in my heart. Fake it till you make it. That statement is so true because it puts us in the mindset to get what we want without all the worry and doubt that we are out of our element. You need a starting point and it has to revolve around something you know and feel deep within that makes you a badass. Summon those feelings and start swinging.
The badass is a force that gets shit done and people want to be involved with. It’s why you are a leader. It’s why you have 500+ Linkedin connections. It’s why people respond to your tweets. It’s why you are willing to speak in front of crowds. It’s why you can make the tough decisions. It’s why you can trust your gut. It’s why you are not afraid to fail, because failing leads to more of this bullshit and you just want to be a winner and make other winners.
Turns out I am a good pretender. Good to see you again.